Afraid to drown, wanting to be normal

I have a vile secret, though it is not mine to begin with. By virtue of friendship and the ties that bind I have been tasked to keep it. The past month has not been easy and I am torn everyday half hoping that I had the courage to tell someone and yet afraid to betray the trust that has been given to me. How do you keep a secret and live with it when you very well know that people you care about are also involved in it? How do you pretend that nothing is wrong and yet knowing what you know you are being eaten up inside. My smiles have been getting scarce when before it was a staple . I hate the feeling and sometimes I hate the secret just as much as I hate what has become of me and my friendship. The king has faltered and he has fallen...hard. The lady mayor is in grief and I knowing both of them is in a deep dark hole where I fear I will never be able to climb out. As for her who is in the middle of it all, I have decided to keep my distance. I am grieving for love lost, friendships stained and broken trust. I weep for me being the coward that I am, I weep for what might have been and what will be. I know deep in my soul that I will forever be weeping, some days more than others. I do not want to drown, i do not want to be numb. I am wanting to be normal again.